Day 51 - It's All Still In Me

It’s all still in me, cooking me, changing me, holding me, dreaming me. From that day in October years ago until now.

I still feel the hesitation and the fear,

the kindness and the love,

the walks and the wandering,

But now it is informed by the history that has followed,

and the presence of this moment

It’s all still in me, cooking me, changing me, holding me, dreaming me.

Still wondering if I am risking too much, or not enough?

Wondering when and what allows me to trust you, me, and the divine order of things

even through my fear?

Maybe, it couldn’t have been any other way?

I carry the remembering of how it felt to sit in circle with you, to pick up a piece, and journey together those ten days.

I bring that remembering with me into every circle I’m in?

It’s all still in me, cooking me, changing me, holding me, dreaming me.

And I’ve witnessed that remembering cook, change, hold, and dream other people into being?

I still feel the rain on my skin and the water around the kayak

the presence of the cat and the hair of the horse

I feel the sun on my face and the snow on the mountains

the laughter and the tears

It’s all still in me, cooking me, changing me, holding me, dreaming me.

I don’t want to forget the sacred storytelling

the staying when we wanted to run, then and now

I don’t want to forget the good work we did and the planning for the future

The promises we’ve made and the ones we can’t

The promises we've kept and the ones we couldn’t

It’s all still in me, cooking me, changing me, holding me, dreaming me.

Deep

Fun

and Easy

It’s a part of me now, maybe it will always be.

Quanita