Day 44 - Crazy Mama Self

You may or may not know this, my son Jacob leaves in two weeks to go to Spain. He is going with Earlham College for a semester abroad. He is the youngest student on this trip as the only sophomore. He is nervous and excited for the adventures to come. I on the other hand am a hot mess!!! I think I seem cool and calm on the outside when I’m around him, but of course when he sees this blog post it’s going to blow all that out of the water.

I’m a little surprised as I listen to the thoughts in my head. It’s hard as we get closer to the date to not see him from my hearts eye as my little baby Jacob, even though I know he is a young man now. When he called me from school to share his screen and asked if I could help him while he was buying his plane ticket all I could think was you are going to let him go all the way to Spain and he can’t even buy his plane ticket by himself? Of course when I came back from my crazy mama self I realized that more important than knowing how to do something was knowing when to ask for help. He knows that.

Then today we were eating breakfast at a hotel dining area and he was sitting down at the table as Makayla (my daughter) and I went to get more food and coffee and I turn around and noticed that he had gotten up to get some juice. My heart sank because all of our stuff was by the table all the way across the room. When he came back I told him next time wait until one of us comes back to the table anyone could have walked away with our stuff. But now that I have some space from my crazy mama self what I want to tell him is this, you are one of the most trusting people that I know don’t give that up for anyone not even your own mama. Jacob believes that the world is out to gift him and not to get him and the world reflects this back to him everyday. Because I do believe that the world wants to prove us right and will send us evidence for our belief systems this is actually one of the best protections/gifts I have ever given him. Who am I to take that away?

When Jacob was little, like two or three years old he used to talk about his family before us. He said in his old world he had lots of brothers and sisters and that they were missing him. He would wake up most morning crying. I think he was seeing them in his dreams. I think he wasn’t sure he was supposed to be here so I would tell him everyday that we were so glad he was here and he had something important to do in this world.

Jacob, this is the start of it, your something important in the world. You are so ready and the world so needs what you have. I, your family, your ancestors, and your community are so very proud of you. You carry us with you and you could never disappoint us because your legacy belongs to you. Remember you are never alone.

And I will keep your crazy mama in check because as always I got your front, your side, and your back.

Love always,

Jacob's Mama