I have been thinking a lot about family recently, blood family and soul family. Last month I probably would have written blood family and chosen family. But as I have been sitting with this today. I don’t think what I have considered chosen family was really chosen at all, but I’ll get to that in a moment.
In a couple of days it will be the anniversary of my mother's death/transition. It will be 12 years. I often say that I was her only child but this isn’t exactly true. When I was about 10 years old my mother gave birth to my brother, Cameron. He died shortly after birth. I never got to meet him. I was young and so it wasn’t real to me. He wasn’t real to me. But as my adult self who believes in the spirit world I feel a bit of his missing presence.
On my dad’s side of the family I have 3 brothers and a sister. I am 15 years older than my closest brother and 24 years older than my sister, the youngest in the family. It’s just been recently that I have started to feel closer to them. Not growing up in the same house weren't close, now as adults we are having to find our way to each other. Even, with this being said if they ever needed me I would be there no questions asked.
And then there is my niece who I am head over heels in love with. It makes no damn sense to me. Maybe it's because my kids are stepping into their adults selves and it's been so long since they were little. But I think a part of what I’m in love with through this curious, happy, beautiful, little spirit is that she is our future and I can feel it in my bones.
Ok, so on to soul family before this post gets too long. My sister/friend Barbara once said that I collect people, my response to her was that I don’t collect people I remember them. My soul remembers theirs. It's bigger than choice. When I was younger it was clearer then it is now. I would see someone and I would know immediately who we were to each other, these days it takes a little more curiosity. But then again when I was younger my relationships were simpler. It requires me to lean in and discover who we are to each other over and over again.
In these relationships there is often spiritual breadcrumbs that helps me to see who we are to each other. For instance I have a sister friend who when we were teenagers we worked at the same place and never met. Then in our twenties we worked for the same organization where we knew of each other but didn’t really know each other. And then in our thirties our sons went to the same preschool and this time the connection stuck and we haven’t let go of each other since. Soul family.
Quanita