This year has been quite the journey of release for me. This year I walked away from a sister/friend that I have known since I/we were 19 years old. I walked away from my life/work partner of the past 4 years. I walked away from a couple of other people, not completely but from who we had been to each other. Each of these loses were deeply felt and grieved by me. Each of them revealed to me some of the ways I haven’t been able to consider myself in these relationships and therefore taught others that they didn’t have to consider me either. Each of these relationships were/are evolutionary teachers for me.
You see, whenever I think someone isn’t seeing me it is always because I’m not seeing me and therefore I’m not able to fully see them.
In the past I have had the habit of not wanting to let go. Even when I knew I was going to have to leave I have often wanted to just stay in it (whatever the it was at the time) for just a little while longer. I have wanted to savor whatever the moment was before moving on.
I have carried this story in me that I grow really quickly so I am often having to say goodbye to people. I think this is partially true. I am beginning to think that we all grow and change quickly but some of us don’t know or want to acknowledge that we have changed, that we have grown. Because we are afraid of what that growth might cost us. Often we find ourselves stuck in relationships, jobs, places that we really don’t fit anymore but it’s what we know. Maybe all the struggles we experience in relationships, jobs, and places are because of a part of ourselves that we can’t admit is no longer what it used to be.
I’m not suggesting that we have to walk away from everything but it just might mean that we have to walk away from who we have known ourselves to be in those moments.
I know this year has carried a lot of loss for me because it is time for me to step into more of who I have promised to be this lifetime and there are people that I just can’t carry anymore, there are people who haven’t chosen to come where I am going. The releasing that I have done is making room. It's making room for all kinds of wonderful things this coming year. Stay tuned, maybe you can come with me.
Quanita