Crazy Mama Self In Check

Jacob, my son comes home from Spain on Saturday after a semester abroad. He left on January 5th. It has been quite a journey for both of us. This mothering thing ain’t no joke. Before he left I wrote about my crazy mama self. I promised that I would keep her in check and for the most part I think I have but in my defense we have too much technology these days.

Let me explain. This trip is an initiation for Jacob and initiations don’t always include the option to dial a mama. I have joked (kinda) that there is a reason that in places in Africa they take the boys away from the mamas to be initiated. There is something in my mama gene that just goes a little bit crazy when my children are struggling. And, if I’m honest something extra in my Black mama self for my Black son.

In times past without so much technology at our fingertips Jacob would have his adventures and his struggles but I would hear about it after it was over, after he was safe and sound. But now, with cell phones and internet not only do I get the play by play but it comes with video which mean I can see his face, I can witness his struggle. My crazy mama self kicks into high gear. I start to wonder if I need to buy him a plane ticket and bring him home early. I start to think about what community mama I know in that part of the world (it does and doesn’t help that I know people all over the world) that can go to him. And then I remember my promise to Jacob and I rein my crazy mama self back in. But it hasn’t been easy.

Maybe, this new way, this way that initiates both of us at the same time will help me receive this new, transformed Jacob home.

Quanita